Saturday, December 17, 2011

NYC P1: There's No Walk Of Shame on Madison Ave.

As I sit in West Harlem reflecting over the past couple days, I cannot bring myself to regret the past 48 hours, or decisions that led me to sitting here, rendered an invalid for all intents and purposes, and salving the pain of my now crippled feet by stuffing my face with $50 Parisian cookies from Maison Laduree. Last night I dined like a queen in Union Square with Wall Street investors, analysts, and the like. Today I'm eating like Marie Antoinete. I ask myself, "Who funds these exquisite overtures?" Do I have some Park Ave. residing patroness of my Blog who sprinkles fairy dust into my wallet for the sole purpose of amusing herself with my later recantings? Or will the vikings of Chase bank be at my door at any moment. Because I sure don't have any explanation for how these trips/excursions keep popping up.

Last night I dined at Casa Mono, a tapas restaurant. Tapas is the Spaniard's version of an expensive practical joke in which waiters serve one single pea on a plate to a large table given heaps of champagne and red wine, and proceed to watch their patrons fight with knives and forks to the death over the last morsel. It's kinda like Hunger Games, only I didnt read that book and have no idea if that reference is even close. The only way to keep from killing your friends is to order 3-4 plates per person and pretend to be civilized as your date goes for the last bite of fried bunny.

As for the food, no expense is spared. Every wild game imaginable is on the menu: rabbit, ox, fox--whatever. My entirely middle class self tried things like rabbit, quale egg with truffles, and something called 'sweet breads' for the first time and I loved it so much, my next boyfriend will probably have to be some ax weilding huntsman able to supply me with an endless supply of wild game.

Sipping Rose' with me like rappers, were the two crazy american girls (M and J) I met in Paris. And if you read my post about Paris, you know that crazy things happen when we occupy the same city. Speaking of Occupying, at our table, there were also two investors( or traders or something ), and let me tell you, it was NOT a good idea to burst out with,  "So, I can't wait to Occupy Wall Street tomorrow". I think I offended them...and I'm also pretty sure the world "socialist" was slung a few times, but I'm not going to dwell on that. After promising them that I would not throw any pies at their faces when I saw them working the next day, we were able call a truce. 

Later that night, I traded scenes for a night out with J (don't you feel special and mysterious, J?) and her band of aspiring actresses. The night became much more casual and ultimatly more affordable as we hopped bars, chatting up djs and fake Australians. I learned some interesting things about Manhattan that night: Nobody wears practical shoes, alcohol is more expensive than gold, an impromtu subway rave can spring up at any moment, and lastly, always say no to cocaine and yes to starving artists. 

Today I awoke in an apartment in Spanish Harlem with those not-so starving atists around me, sipping tea and eating candy canes as if nothing was amiss. There was a christmas tree in the corner that was so sparse in decoration I have to stop and remark on it here. Who lugs a tree up, no doubt, several flights of stairs, only to nigardly sprinkle  it with what is likely a 7-ball pack of decorations? The mistresses of Spanish Harlem confound me to no end! 

When in Spanish Harlem! I stuck around, grabbed a candy cane and proceeded to make no sense with them. Somehow I managed to convince J to leave Harlem for the Upper East Side with me. Why? Because there is a little bakery called Maison Laduree where it all started for us in Paris. She agreed, only because those macaroons in Paris had ruined all other cheap replicants for us and now we could only enjoy the best--and here's a fun fact: Maison Laduree on 5th avenue get's it's macaroons flown fresh to them from Paris every day and everyone who works there is french! Again, only the best for J and me. I don't mind drinking $2 beer but I draw the line at cheap macaroons! 

Still dressed like a harlot/alley rat in my heels and club outfit from last night, we made our way Midtown where the billionaris live and the socialites play to find that the Laduree secret was out! There was a line of people that stretched out the door in 30 degree weather! Oviously I waited in that line for a half an hour since I'm now the proud owner of a $50 dwindling box of macaroons.

J and I learned some interesting things about each other that day: 1, She does not play around with her macaroons and 2, I have the least sexual, fantasies ever. One of which she got to whitness come true before our very eyes. 

Picture this; we're in a bakery, not Laduree but another little cafe not far from it, and I spot the biggest, most scrumptious looking raspberry sourdough cake ever. It's too pretty to slice but I demand a piece anyway. In walks a hot yet nerdy looking baker in a chef hat, wielding a knife--and in that moment he's practically my knight wielding a sword--with said cake in his hand, who asks me how big of a slice I want. I turn to J in dismay. Oh the ways I can answer that! She's rolling her eyes because I'm ridiculous and we walk out of there with the biggest piece of freaking delicious cake ever. *fans self* What? This actually happend, by the way.

Of course, the trip is only halfway over. I met a girl in Harlem yesterday who promised to get T and I on some sort of list for a party. I have yet to Occupy Wall Street, and E has not arrived from PA yet with her boyfriend and hilarious brother.

Note: Haha I'm so late with posting this. Literally M is holding a knife to my back and demanding I blog. BTW had an amazing time in NYC and when I get a second I will update with part 2 which was even better. The Opium Den, the Speakeasy, My night out in the Meatpacking District, My day Occupying Wall Street with E, and my date on Time Square. Ahh too much to write!



J said...

I love! I feel so special being such a central role in this blog post! Can't wait to do it again :)

Lish said...

Hell yeah!! I had so much fun with you for real. I need to just move there so we can have crazy times todos las dias!!!!

lolita said...

wow i love that shoe and the food looks so delish x

Lish said...

Word! Thanks. Those shoes are my fav. J is lucky I didnt steal them from her

Celebrity Style Tips said...

Wow, those shoes are amazing. Welcome to check out my blog and we can follow eachother if u like.

Lish said...

Awesome! I definitely will

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