Showing posts with label Bad Things. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bad Things. Show all posts

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Warm Bodies: Read it or Watch it? BOTH


As a fan of zombies (shout-out to We're Alive- The Zombie Podcast) I'm pretty much qualified to tell you that this book is awesome, in it's own strange way. The movie is being marketed as a Zombieland meets Twilight teen romance but the book is black comedy all the way. 

What is Warm Bodies and why does it sound like a Harlequin novel? Basically, the novel is about a post zombie apocalypse world seen through the eyes of R, a zombie who is slowly becoming self aware. 

In the novel R is a twenty-something year old zombie shambling around post apocalyptic Manhattan wearing the same slacks and a tie he died in. Back-story on R is limited but the story clearly hints that he was, at some point ,a young professional on the up and up:
Before I became a zombie I must have been a businessman, a banker or broker or some young temp learning the ropes, because I’m wearing fairly nice clothes. Black slacks, grey shirt, red tie. M makes fun of me sometimes. He points at my tie and tries to laugh, a choked, gurgling rumble deep in his gut. His clothes are holey jeans and a plain white T-shirt. The shirt is looking pretty macabre by now. He should have picked a darker color... (Warm Bodies)
Mentally he's intelligent in that dry and witty way, but that stops when he opens his rotting mouth to speak. ZOMBIE BABEL! Anyway, R is just the kind of guy who'd be having an existential crises with or without the whole zombie apocalypse ordeal.   

Warm Bodies novel and trailer review
The movie version of R has clearly been aged down a bit. In the trailer he's wearing typical teen angst getup: a hoodie and jeans. Julie's a teenager in both the novel and film so his teen makeover makes their creepy-as-hell romance acceptable...from a legal standpoint at least. I knew they'd have to age one of them up or down to get around this but I was hoping the movie would take a chance and make Julie a bit older instead. But alas, a supernatural romance MUST appeal to tweens and teenagers. Le sigh.

Other cool things about R that probably wont make it to the movie: He's "zombie married" (not to Julie) with 2 adopted zombie kids. I'm not even joking about this. This book is strange, I know.

In the novel, when zombies kill, they temporarily absorb their victim's thoughts and emotions, which is where Julie comes in. After killing Julie's boyfriend, R naturally develops an infatuation with Julie. Creepy, yes, but understandable considering the rules the story established.

Julie's attachment to R, on the other hand, made me uncomfortable. The novel does not give R the "Twilight treatment"; he is very much a decaying copse with limited motor and speech functions. Much of her emotional attachment to R comes from, ironically enough, her lack of human companionship. Which begs the question: who the hell has she been hanging out with? 

The last scraps of human kind live holed up inside of a giant compound under the control of a military dictator that happens to be Julie's father. From there the story really wants you to know that zombies are a metaphor for the death of human creativity, free will and love. And the inhabitants of the last human colony on earth are seriously lacking in all three.  

The minute R gets to this compound the story becomes a lame teen drama, and R, being a twenty something on the up and up, should know better! Pretty much the conflict is:
-She's like: Hey military leader and father, may I date your mortal enemy, the predator to our race?
-And he's like: Hell no, daughter. Now let's sound the drums of war Pocahontas style (I dare you not to read that like Gangnam Style)

The only thing that saves the story is the introduction of a 3rd enemy (no spoiler here). "The bonies" are the zombie version of the elderly and they control the zombie population. Since the novel doesn't say how long ago the zombie apocalypse happened, it's only natural to assume that "the bonies" are just older, more decayed, zombies, and the author does a good job of getting you to ignore them as background creepers for awhile. The more the story reveals about the nature of zombies, the more and more truly evil the skeletons seem until you realize, too late, that there is actually something more sinister going on with them.

Even at it's most predictable, I enjoyed reading every bit of it. I honestly don't think I've ever read or seen anything like it, except for maybe Fido. There's no necrophilia in it, thank God. BUT there's just enough creepy supernatural romance to keep the twilighters happy. Unlike twilight, however, Warm Bodies is pretty well written. I say, if you like will-he-or-won't-he-kill-me romances, dark comedy, horror/comedies and zombies give both the movie and novel a try.

Saturday, April 28, 2012

NYC on Business: 50 Shades of Cray

The Misadventures of a Blogger in NYC

Warning: This entry is NOT about how I met some strange, mercurial, billionare who took me down a kinky rabbit hole of whips and chains. And how we all listened to Rihanna's "S&M" song for the whole ideal. This trip to NYC was for business, not reenactments of 50 Shades of Grey. Ha! The closest I got to Christian Grey this week was meeting a young lawyer at a bar who has no idea J and I have created an entirely twisted backstory for him involving a sad childhood, deviant predilections, and yes, a red playroom. Poor Fiddy Esq

Saturday, December 17, 2011

NYC P1: There's No Walk Of Shame on Madison Ave.

As I sit in West Harlem reflecting over the past couple days, I cannot bring myself to regret the past 48 hours, or decisions that led me to sitting here, rendered an invalid for all intents and purposes, and salving the pain of my now crippled feet by stuffing my face with $50 Parisian cookies from Maison Laduree. Last night I dined like a queen in Union Square with Wall Street investors, analysts, and the like. Today I'm eating like Marie Antoinete. I ask myself, "Who funds these exquisite overtures?" Do I have some Park Ave. residing patroness of my Blog who sprinkles fairy dust into my wallet for the sole purpose of amusing herself with my later recantings? Or will the vikings of Chase bank be at my door at any moment. Because I sure don't have any explanation for how these trips/excursions keep popping up.

Last night I dined at Casa Mono, a tapas restaurant. Tapas is the Spaniard's version of an expensive practical joke in which waiters serve one single pea on a plate to a large table given heaps of champagne and red wine, and proceed to watch their patrons fight with knives and forks to the death over the last morsel. It's kinda like Hunger Games, only I didnt read that book and have no idea if that reference is even close. The only way to keep from killing your friends is to order 3-4 plates per person and pretend to be civilized as your date goes for the last bite of fried bunny.

As for the food, no expense is spared. Every wild game imaginable is on the menu: rabbit, ox, fox--whatever. My entirely middle class self tried things like rabbit, quale egg with truffles, and something called 'sweet breads' for the first time and I loved it so much, my next boyfriend will probably have to be some ax weilding huntsman able to supply me with an endless supply of wild game.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Jesus...Take the wheel...


I love awkward family photos with Santa as much as the next girl, but...this is just bad...*Shakes my head* This picture is just too jacked up for words. Jesus, the wheel, take it!

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

True Bood Season Finale: Man Down!



True Blood Season 4 Episode 12: “And When I Die”

Blogging while I watch.

Season Finale Recap

Yup, Lafayette is possessed alright. Jesus gets a whiff of this just in time to get stabbed in the hand with a fork. Warning: do not try to feed the spirits eggs sunny side up. No molestar los spirites. That is how you say it in Spanish, right?

Sookie’s suffereing from Post Vampire Stress Disorder.




Monday, September 5, 2011

True Blood Ep11: Never Bring a Bazooka to a Wand Fight


True Blood Season 4, Episode 11 Recap
True Blood Ep 11:  Soul Of Fire
 
Blogging while I watch:

So… I just got back from seeing The Help. Awesome movie. I laughed, I cried, I just about lost my mind when Lafayette turned up on the big screen. Literally, I had to fight to urge to stand up, point, and yell, “Hookah”. I really hope that the next time I see him he isn’t playing another fry cook. Just saying…

Slow-mo vampires in back leather alert! Pam, Bill, Eric, and Jess show up outside of Marnie’s ready to kill the witch…Al Qaeda style. Bombs, guns, and I think Jess has a bazooka. Why or how this would work against magic is beyond me. Who came up with this crack scheme? Sookie?


Monday, August 22, 2011

True Blood Ep9: "I'm Not Opening the Door For No White Man"

True Blood Season 4, Episode 9 Recap

Episode 9: “Let’s Get Out of Here”

Blogging While I Watch

Crazy times at Bon Temps continue this week. Antonia has lost her Goddamn mind. Her witches know this and now the only way they’ll stand with her is with extreme coercion. She plans to use her new pet vampire, Eric, as a tool to publicly embarrass vampires at their Tolerance press conference.  

Meanwhile, my slow forming love for Bill continues to stew as he rolls his eyes at everything that comes out of Alcide’s mouth—because nobody should give credence to a werewolf when he’s wearing a shirt.

Monday, August 8, 2011

True Blood Ep 7: "I'm NOT a zombie!" Recap/Clip

True Blood Season 4, Episode 7 Recap


True Blood: 4 Ep. 7: "Cold Grey Light of Dawn"


Blogging while I watch:

The episode begins with a recap and I’m already pissed. Why? Because I had to suffer through 6 episodes of Jason rape, and the only fruit that plot point is going to bear is his 15 or so children in 9 months. Besides that, nothing: no ware panther Jason. This impotent story arc that began with Crystal mid season 3, where we got a glimpse of Jason’s potential for greatness, just fell limply into another whack romance between him and someone he shouldn’t be with. Only this time it’s his best friend’s girl: Jessica. Don’t worry, no chemistry there.

Speaking of no chemistry, we left off with Eric and Sookie ravishing each other on the floor like a couple of bad Soap actors. Passions anyone? No?






Tuesday, July 26, 2011

True Blood Ep 5: "That’s Some Catchy Shit for Your Headstone"


True Blood Season 4, Episode 5 Recap

"The Devil And Me"

Blogging while I watch. And a little Comic-Con Action

Okay... The show opens up with Tommy, who was tricked by his mom into thinking she’d ended things with her abusive husband Jolie. It was all just a trap to get the young shifter back in the dog fighting ring. Must resist urge to make Michael Vick joke. Resist, I say!




Thursday, July 21, 2011

Monday, July 18, 2011

True Blood Ep 4: R.I.P. Pam's Swag

True Blood Season 4, Episode 4 Recap

True Blood Ep 4: I’m Alive and I’m on Fire

Blogging while watching

Fairy blood makes vampires tipsy. Eric is feeling quite unrepentant about drinking Sookie’s fairy. He’s drunk, he’s in a cheeky mood, and he’s not going back to his cubby! Instead, he wants to pinch Sookie’s butt and party till the break of dawn. Sunrise be damned!

Monday, July 11, 2011

True Blood: Season 4 Ep. 3: "You Just Killed My Fairy Godmother"

True Blood Season 4, Episode 3 Recap
Episode 3: If you Love Me, Why am I Dying?

“I know I’m a vampire Snookie.” –“It’s Sookie!” 

Already the best line of the episode. Not even two minutes and Eric already tries to kill Sookie. She punches him in the nose and tells him she’s not putting up with his cheek tonight.





True Blood Ep2: You Smell Like Dinner

True Blood Season 4, Episode 2 Recap

Blogging while I watch...late. Yeah I know...

The episode opens up with Jason Stackhouse in a sweaty heap, writhing against the constraints of the rope tying his arms and legs to a stranger’s bed. Pretty much business as usual for Jason but, oh look, the inbred kids from Hotshot are there and one of them, Timbo, is licking his head wound. How nice…




Friday, July 1, 2011

Nadia Oh is one GLORIOUS robot

You think I know better than to love Nadia Oh? I play violin, drink red wine, and croon out show tunes in the shower. Should I know better?

I first discovered Nadia Oh, Space Cowboy’s android, on So You Think You Can Dance, like everyone else. Her song, “Hot like Wow” was playing and I couldn’t pay attention to any of the dancers. I’ve never heard anything like it. The most stereotypical Arabic beats were going fast and hard while this mechanical voice droned over the track.





Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Season 4 Premiere: Witches, Vamps, and Fairies…?

True Blood Season 4, Episode 1 Recap

Finally! True Blood is here. And I know I’m late but I just got back from New York, and I’m not wasting any time digging into the first episode.

I love this show. It’s my dirty little secret that I’m way too uncomfortably to watch in the presence of polite society. But, damn it, I’m here, I’m addicted to vampire-fare, and I’m not going anywhere!  

Blogging while I watch, of course.

Season 4, Ep. 1: