Saturday, December 31, 2011

2012, eh? It's Resolution Time, Suckas!

If I don't post my New Year aspirations here then who will judge me and hold me accountable later!?

2011 was the best and worst year of my life. The highs were high and the lows were low, but I don't think I can say I regretted a minute of it. You know what, let's count the blessings: I went to London, wined dined and romanced in Paris, stuffed my face with chocolate like a pig in the Alps of Switzerland, stepped out like a billionaire in the French Riviera, saw the pope in Rome. Basically life's been an ABC Family special of Olsen Twins movies. It's been wonderful and I am truly blessed. I love my job, my friends, and this blog, of course, where I find outlet for my weird and random musings and sometimes people read them.

So here goes it, 2012!

1. Eat Real Food!
This year, I'm taking the 100 days of real food challenge! Ever since I watched Food Inc. I've been serious about eating healthy, natural, hormone/free radical/GMO free food. Guys remember my raw milk escapades?

Once I gestapo-ed out on  my mother and forced her to read off the list of ingredients in her so-called "healthy" butter alternative. But yeah, I started slacking. However, THIS year's going to get REAL. Nothing is going into this body unless I know where it's been. *Oh, see what I did there!*

Feel free to judge me if I fall off the wagon.

2. Get back to that gym I'm still paying for every month
3. CLEAN my car
To quote my brother when he sees said car: "You have a sickness".

4. Spend more time in NYC
Uh...I didn't pay for a Spirit Air membership for nothing!

5. Go places for the heck of it
6. GIVE more!
Spending some time with my friend in the Peace Corps (Currently in Peru) this holiday made me feel like a complete loser for living extravagantly this year while so many people are suffering in my own back yard! For real. Forget Wall St.; they need to me occupying my materialistic behind!

I have to do something this year to help others. Yeah... everybody says that but not everyone is as insane as I am (in a good way...I hope).

2012 will be the year I make a difference in someone's life! (Muahahahahahaha!) Wait...That is an evil villain laugh. (hehehehe).

7. BLOG more
8. Shop less
9. Drink more wine!
10. Dance at least 60% more than I did in 2011.

Happy New Year, luvas! God bless, stay safe, and don't kiss any losers at midnight!

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Don't Ask Me Why My Christmases Be Tricky...

Oh the trickiness of this photo! This is my little brother, A-Crispy-Keem. When we go places we tend to forget how to act!

Had a WONDERFUL, BIG, FAT, JAMACAN Christmas with my aunt. Only we know how to serve Turkey with coconut rice and curry goat--and make it fab. 

All I want for Christmas is YOU READERS. Keep reading, keep threatening me in other social media platforms--ha--and I'll FINALLY break down and write about the rest of my trip to NYC! I really love you all. Even the trolls! Especially the trolls!

Merry Christmas luvs!

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Seriously Ghetto Christmas Songs

I'm OBSESSED with ghetto Christmas music! It all started my freshman year of college when Erica and I discovered "All I Want for Christmas" by the Dirty Boyz. So began my obsession with celebrating the birth of Christ with ridiculously absurd, ghetto, holiday jamz. I have no clue what possesses a rappers to come up with these songs but I hope they never stop! Listen to these, and enjoy...hoe. :

Hansel & Gretel

Saturday, December 17, 2011

NYC P1: There's No Walk Of Shame on Madison Ave.

As I sit in West Harlem reflecting over the past couple days, I cannot bring myself to regret the past 48 hours, or decisions that led me to sitting here, rendered an invalid for all intents and purposes, and salving the pain of my now crippled feet by stuffing my face with $50 Parisian cookies from Maison Laduree. Last night I dined like a queen in Union Square with Wall Street investors, analysts, and the like. Today I'm eating like Marie Antoinete. I ask myself, "Who funds these exquisite overtures?" Do I have some Park Ave. residing patroness of my Blog who sprinkles fairy dust into my wallet for the sole purpose of amusing herself with my later recantings? Or will the vikings of Chase bank be at my door at any moment. Because I sure don't have any explanation for how these trips/excursions keep popping up.

Last night I dined at Casa Mono, a tapas restaurant. Tapas is the Spaniard's version of an expensive practical joke in which waiters serve one single pea on a plate to a large table given heaps of champagne and red wine, and proceed to watch their patrons fight with knives and forks to the death over the last morsel. It's kinda like Hunger Games, only I didnt read that book and have no idea if that reference is even close. The only way to keep from killing your friends is to order 3-4 plates per person and pretend to be civilized as your date goes for the last bite of fried bunny.

As for the food, no expense is spared. Every wild game imaginable is on the menu: rabbit, ox, fox--whatever. My entirely middle class self tried things like rabbit, quale egg with truffles, and something called 'sweet breads' for the first time and I loved it so much, my next boyfriend will probably have to be some ax weilding huntsman able to supply me with an endless supply of wild game.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Blueberry Cornmeal Muffins: *whispers* They're healthy...

How to make Blueberry Cornmeal Muffins with Whole Wheat Flour

Here's a little recipe I came up with while doing some experimenting with blueberries. It's a healthy (or at least more nutritious) alternative to blueberry muffins, and the whole wheat flour makes it much denser and more fibrous, so one of these is like an entire meal. 

Whole Wheat Corn Muffins with Blueberries: 

1 cup of whole wheat flour
1 cup of cornmeal
3 1/2 teaspoons of baking powder
3/4 cup of brown sugar
1 cup of milk
1 egg
1 1/2 cups of frozen blueberries (thawed/drained)
a dash of salt
and a few spoons of butter for good measure. 

Choosing the Right Bangs for Your Face

Bangs have definitely made a comeback this year, and it’s looking as if this trend might be here to stay. Whether you have a round face or a long face, the right bangs can compliment anyone. It’s a relatively simple way to give your face a complete makeover.
Zelo’s got the guide to help you choose the right bangs for you.
I think one of the most striking celebrity bang transitions this year is Leighton Meester’s blunt bang. Blunt or Chinese bangs work for her because of her round face. The harsh line of bangs across her forehead creates a theme of angles on her otherwise round face. It brings out her amazing cheek bones and, overall, makes her face look longer and slimmer.
Read the rest of my post over at my other blog for Zelo HERE.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Thrifted Vintage Finds

As a child, I always secretly admired my mother's early 90's style. To me she was the standard of nineties chic with her endless array of sheer black and floral fabrics, sopping wet Jerry curls that, as nineties wore on, morphed into a some sort of fabulous half shaved, half cropped product of 20th century engineering, and her clunky Egyptian earrings. Sometimes I find myself emulating her style and not even knowing it, and then I have to thank God for hipsters; they've made it okay to dress completely out of context.

This weekend I happened upon a little Antique/Thrift shop near the beach and decided to check it out.

Jesus...Take the wheel...

I love awkward family photos with Santa as much as the next girl, but...this is just bad...*Shakes my head* This picture is just too jacked up for words. Jesus, the wheel, take it!

Saturday, November 26, 2011

The Look of Mormon?

Posing with my little goddaughter here in my 90's vintage flowerdress and lace-up booties. This dress makes me think of Blossom...and Sister Wives, that creepy show about polygamy.

I'll definitely post about my Thrifting exploits this week.

My Favorite Things

Nice little freebie from Sephora
Sephora Makeup Palette 
 Ooh yeah! Stay tuned for MANY makeup photoshoots!

Friday, November 25, 2011

Behold! My Black Friday Loot!

Stacks on Stacks on Stacks
For the first time in my life, I allowed myself to get yanked, out of my post-thanksgiving slumber, into Black Friday Foolishness. Many of the huge electronics stores opened at midnight while Forever21, Victoria Secret and Express started their doorbuster deals at 4am. 

Here's my post Black Friday Wrap-up. 

Friday, November 18, 2011

Down to a Science: What Men Want

Long silky hair, generous curves, and a cranial cavity filled with tumbleweeds and glitter. Is that really what men want?
According to  Millionare Matchmaker Patti Stanger, it is. Now ladies, before we sharpen our nails and get ready to hurtle Virginia Woolf literature at the screen, Patti also adds (to paraphrase): “Don’t hate the player. Hate the game.”
She’s “just the messenger”. Patti asserts that, while she made a name for herself telling women to shed a few pounds, dye their hair, and to ixnay on the book learnin’, she’s only following biology.
Check our the rest of my article on The Daily Frizz

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang!

I told you guys I was going to IN on bangs this fall. And oh yeah baby. Behold!

These fringe bangs are out of control. They're stopping traffic and causing accidents--mostly because I have no peripheral vision with them. But I don't care. Who the hell needs to see what's around them? What's around me needs to check these killer bangs.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Creepy Sexy Folk

Why yes, I do have a playlist in my iPod titled "Sexy Halloween". If you liked my "Creepy Sexy Jazz...Rock," choices, then listen to these spooky, atmospheric, yet highly sensual folksy tunes.

Everything by The Pierces makes me think witches, Salem, and combat boots over fishnets. Those girls can have such beautifully dark yet deceptively sweet voices. I literally picture them boiling their unfaithful ex boyfriends over a cauldron while scattering in pink sprinkles when I listen to them. My favorite line of this song is, "hold me till all the prayers that go to heaven get an answer".

I don't know if this next song really counts as Folk. Wikipedia calls it ambient so let's just go with that. I suppose I could have just posted it under "Creepy Sexy Indie" but that would just be redundant.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Creepy Sexy Rock

There are so many examples of ultra erotic creepy rock, it's only a matter of narrowing them down. But I'm telling you, if you want to take it there, you know, stalking outside your window and watching you sleep whilst touching themselves, you're going to need some Radiohead. Even their name is indecent!

Obviously all their songs involve mey-jah creeping and possibly no pants, but this song is just really slow and subtle about it. The song, "Talk Show Host" is so damn smooth and seductive, it's probably the opposite of all my other rock examples that are saying, "I'm coming to eat you alive." TSH casually creeps outside your bedroom window sipping wine and reading the papers until you tear open it open, bat them out out of its hands and throw yourself at it.

Honestly, listen to this with extreme caution and keep tabs on your pants.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

It Was Acceptable In The 90's... Terrify little children in the name of Disney. Here are a few clips from my favorite Halloween movies I enjoyed growing up with.
 Sarah Jessica Parker forever secured a place in my heart when I first saw her as the ditsy witch who flew around on her broomstick chanting for little children to follow her into her garden of enchantment like a total creeper.
And honestly, what kind of neo-emo hipster would I be if I didn't have a major crush on Jack Skellington? And they had the NERVE to advertise this as a Christmas movie and release this around the holidays.
 I remember leaving the theater with my mum in TEARS. Little did I know that I would come to regard this strange creepster fest scored by Danny Elfman as a complete musical and visual masterpiece.
My poor little brother, whom I drive to school every morning, can attest; I listen this soundtrack year round!
Ahh the 90's... They just don't make 'em like they used to. 

Si tous les chiens vont au ciel...

Donc, toutes les chiennes vont a Paris! ;)

Monday, October 24, 2011

Thriller Nights at Prime Time

Getting more and more into the spirit of Halloween the more politics play out. It made me think of this hilarious video I found a few years back. Regardless...enjoy.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Creepy Sexy Jazz

Because what's more romantic than a little voodoo hex? This song always get's me into the spirit of Halloween. Plus it makes me think of Hocus Pocus, the best damn thing ever.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

She Bangs! She Bangs!

I'm not usually a Beyoncé fan but her new song "Countdown" is working for me right now. And I'm in love with her American Apparel infused nod to Audrey Hepburn's Funny Face. I'm even willing to overlook the fact that her choreographer completlely ripped half this video's dance routine off from someone else. But mostly, I'm Obsessed with her choppy bangs and dark locks. 

Monday, October 10, 2011

Sunday, October 9, 2011

My Keratin Treatment Meets Brazilian Afro Tutorial

I said I would test out Zelo on my friend this weekend and I did. Behold! Paula's kinky brazilian afro:

Here's a shot of her hair after straightening one side with the keratin product:

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Behind The Scenes, Photoshoot: Zelo Brazilian Keratin Straightener

It’s not everyday a girl gets to go backstage of a photoshoot. Unless you’re me…then you sometimes find yourself on the better side of random. In any case, this weekend I was fortunate enough to sit in on Zelo’s Photo shoot, take some great backstage pics, and interview Miami hair stylists Gustavo Tundela for professional tips on applying the much talked about Brazilian Keratin Treatment.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

It’s Just Your Good Libations: Throwing a Wine Party

Every once in awhile, don't you just want to put on a Ritz?

I think I was born in the wrong era. How else can I explain my love of art, travel, opera, classical music, and the pursuit of all things lofty—or the fact that everyone turns and pointedly stares at me whenever that, “Oh you fancy, huh” song comes on?

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

True Bood Season Finale: Man Down!

True Blood Season 4 Episode 12: “And When I Die”

Blogging while I watch.

Season Finale Recap

Yup, Lafayette is possessed alright. Jesus gets a whiff of this just in time to get stabbed in the hand with a fork. Warning: do not try to feed the spirits eggs sunny side up. No molestar los spirites. That is how you say it in Spanish, right?

Sookie’s suffereing from Post Vampire Stress Disorder.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Where Were You On 9/11?

Painting by: Michael Perez

There is so much to be said about September 11, 2001 and so much that surely will be said today as we somberly remember that terrifying day. This isn’t going to be a long post. I just want to take some time to remember where I was ten years ago and how that day still affects me today.

2001 I was a freshman in high school. I remember walking into my 2nd period Spanish class and seeing that the TV was already on. My Spanish teacher was visibly upset and I remember not fully understanding what was wrong or why she was stammering to us that class would be a free period while gluing her eyes to said TV. 

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Making it Rain on a Rainy Day: New Makeup Review

Today I spent an inordinate amount of money at Sephora due to that damn “Someone like You” song from Adele. If the radio hangs on to this song as long as they did for “Rolling in the Deep” it’ll be the death of my finances—but I’ll look hella fly.

You ever have one of those days when you suddenly feel like you’re going to die alone? You know, you’re driving down the road thinking about broken promises, cancelled engagements, and that personalized ring tone that never sounds, and then some Adele song comes on. You suddenly want to pull the emergency brakes, pretend your car has a sunroof, and look up the heavens and wail, “WHYYYYYYYY!!!” No? Just me them, I guess.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m praying girl, but this kind of funk was something only a makeover can cure.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

The Help. How I Love it So

Property of
I just saw The Help and I’m in love with it. Viola Davis needs an Oscar for her performance. This review, however, is hilarious, though I don’t necessarily agree with everything they said about. It’s definitely not just a lighthearted chic flick. My dad and 16 year old brother loved it! And it definitely didn’t need to be any headier than it was. Anyway…enjoy this funny review and go see it!

What To Wear While Touring Europe

Whilst conducting some highly technical analysis (sarcasm alert) on my blog, I noticed a common keyword phrase along the lines of "What to wear when traveling in Europe" popping up for some unknown reason. So... now there's a reason for it.

Planning a trip abroad? No clue what to pack? Here are some fashion tips for touring Europe without screaming, "tourist".

Monday, September 5, 2011

True Blood Ep11: Never Bring a Bazooka to a Wand Fight

True Blood Season 4, Episode 11 Recap
True Blood Ep 11:  Soul Of Fire
Blogging while I watch:

So… I just got back from seeing The Help. Awesome movie. I laughed, I cried, I just about lost my mind when Lafayette turned up on the big screen. Literally, I had to fight to urge to stand up, point, and yell, “Hookah”. I really hope that the next time I see him he isn’t playing another fry cook. Just saying…

Slow-mo vampires in back leather alert! Pam, Bill, Eric, and Jess show up outside of Marnie’s ready to kill the witch…Al Qaeda style. Bombs, guns, and I think Jess has a bazooka. Why or how this would work against magic is beyond me. Who came up with this crack scheme? Sookie?

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Never Been Kissed: University, Frat Boys, and the Spies Who Love Them

As many may know, I graduated from Florida State University way back in 2009. And I’ve been a line marching, hum-drum beating, member of the adult society’s fold for quite awhile now. Well…that was before I went to Europe and came back to start living la vie boheme, or, as in we say in South Florida, La Vida Broka. Life has become quite interesting… in a good way. So… keeping with my newfound tradition of doing random things to blog about, I spent last week infiltrating my old University. Tallahassee: a Neverland filled with the Lost Homeboys; devoid of adults, a party city and a football town where pants are always optional and girls with pillow pets are old enough to drink. I was older, wiser, and most of all, I had mastered the art of coquetry.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Chuck Norris Says, "Happy Humpday"

Me: God, can I please have everything I’ve ever wanted.
God: Behold, my child.
Me: *Snaps picture of poster* Thank you!

Monday, August 22, 2011

True Blood Ep9: "I'm Not Opening the Door For No White Man"

True Blood Season 4, Episode 9 Recap

Episode 9: “Let’s Get Out of Here”

Blogging While I Watch

Crazy times at Bon Temps continue this week. Antonia has lost her Goddamn mind. Her witches know this and now the only way they’ll stand with her is with extreme coercion. She plans to use her new pet vampire, Eric, as a tool to publicly embarrass vampires at their Tolerance press conference.  

Meanwhile, my slow forming love for Bill continues to stew as he rolls his eyes at everything that comes out of Alcide’s mouth—because nobody should give credence to a werewolf when he’s wearing a shirt.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

An Ombré That Just Won’t Quit: DIY Ombré Tutorial

Who says Ombré’s 15 minutes are up! Pish posh, homie! Fall is approaching, the darker clothing is coming out, and it’s the perfect time for Ombré. look at those beautiful curls of gradient fire. Look at them! Oh yes, they’re fabulous. And your auntie Lish is going to show you how to Ombré your hair at home! 

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Raw Milk: What is it and Why is it So Taboo?

Oh darling, are you still feeding your children pasteurized milk? How passé…

For the past few years, it seems like there has been a growing movement to overhaul our foods. “The food system is corrupt; it’s causing cancer, we’re genetically modifying, caging, and injecting our foods with steroids and antibiotics, and it’s making us sick!” Meanwhile, lately I can’t avoid seeing a commercial, funded by a large corporation, showing me rows of happy cows frolicking in the grass under the Californian sun and farmers in overalls on tracker beams telling me that this is where our food is coming from.

The days of spending hours in the grocery store eyeing each label dubiously and checking for red dye #40, MSG, and hydrogenated oils almost seem like simpler times. Now, the cows are unhappy, the chickens are from concentration camps, the meat’s pumped up with more drugs than Amy Winehouse, and the soy beans are going to make your son develop ovaries—and the corn—don’t even get me started on the corn!

Now the tides have turned to raw milk: the new wonder food that’s being touted to cure everything from autism to cancer.

So what is raw milk and why is it so amazing…or dangerous?

Thursday, August 11, 2011

London Rioters Attack the Block

We in the US don’t know WHAT is going on over there or why. Is it because someone got shot, forgot tea time, shortage of PS3’s FIFA game?? Clearly everyone’s been watching Attack the Block and getting ideas.

This kind of anarchy could only be the work of apes--apes from outer space.

Allow it, brov. ;)


Monday, August 8, 2011

True Blood Ep 7: "I'm NOT a zombie!" Recap/Clip

True Blood Season 4, Episode 7 Recap

True Blood: 4 Ep. 7: "Cold Grey Light of Dawn"

Blogging while I watch:

The episode begins with a recap and I’m already pissed. Why? Because I had to suffer through 6 episodes of Jason rape, and the only fruit that plot point is going to bear is his 15 or so children in 9 months. Besides that, nothing: no ware panther Jason. This impotent story arc that began with Crystal mid season 3, where we got a glimpse of Jason’s potential for greatness, just fell limply into another whack romance between him and someone he shouldn’t be with. Only this time it’s his best friend’s girl: Jessica. Don’t worry, no chemistry there.

Speaking of no chemistry, we left off with Eric and Sookie ravishing each other on the floor like a couple of bad Soap actors. Passions anyone? No?

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Good Books & Mayan Artifacts

Yep, my bookshelf is pretty awesome. Excuse the Dune dvd...terrible...

Friday, August 5, 2011

Italy: If a coin falls in Rome and no pop-star is there to see it, did it make a sound?

Last Entry to my Eurotrip Blog:

My tour group and I arrived in Italy a completely unified and bonded family unit, with the knowledge looming over us that Rome was my last stop. And although most of the tour would be continuing on to Eastern Europe, I know that they were devastated about losing me. (Deny it all you want. You know Bratislava wasn’t the same without me!)

With movies like Three Coins in a Fountain, Under the Tuscan Sun, and yes, even the Lizzy Macguire movie on the brain, I was more excited for Italy than anywhere else. Not to mention the historian in me was ready to be let loose onto the streets, like raging bull. The Vatican, the Trevi fountain, and freakin’ Florence, the birthplace of the Renaissance—I was traipsing about Italy, looking happier than a “Make a Wish Foundation” winner the entire time.


Sunday, July 31, 2011

Of Heartbeak and Men: Shakespeare Had It Right

Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more,

Men were deceivers ever;
One foot in sea, and one on shore,
To one thing constant never.
Then sigh not so,
But let them go,
And be you blith and bonny,
Converting all your sounds of woe
Into Hey nonny, nonny.

Sing no more ditties, sing no mo
Of dumps so dull and heavy;
The fraud of men was ever so,
Since summer first was leavy.
Then sigh not so,
But let them go,
And be you blith and bonny,
Converting all your sounds of woe
Into Hey nonny, nonny.

(William Shakespeare)

Saturday, July 30, 2011

New Makeup and the Holy Grail of Red Lipstick

Got some new loot from Sephora and I’m happy to announce that I’ve FINALLY found the perfect red lip and foundation. Double rainbow winning! Hi-ya!

Wednesday, July 27, 2011


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I'll Take You To The Candy Shop...

Happy Wednesday. Here's a little sugar to get you over the hump.

Taken at seaside market in Nice, France. Yeah...I'm jealous of me too. June July me is nowhere near as fabulous as May me. May was definitely as high point in my life. :)

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

True Blood Ep 5: "That’s Some Catchy Shit for Your Headstone"

True Blood Season 4, Episode 5 Recap

"The Devil And Me"

Blogging while I watch. And a little Comic-Con Action

Okay... The show opens up with Tommy, who was tricked by his mom into thinking she’d ended things with her abusive husband Jolie. It was all just a trap to get the young shifter back in the dog fighting ring. Must resist urge to make Michael Vick joke. Resist, I say!

Monday, July 25, 2011

How To Throw A Proper English Tea Party

You were obsessed with William and Kate’s wedding, you watch Masterpiece Theater, and you have to resist the urge to work “quite” and “nary” into casual conversation. Admit it, you secretly wish you were English, don’t you? Join the club. I’m a cardholding member. 

This Saturday I decided to throw a Tea Party. An English tea party though, nary a Republican in sight. Mad hats, fancy frocks, and scones abound and a drawing room flowing with classical music and conversation.

Traditional Afternoon tea, or “low tea,” is held around 2-5 in the afternoon. I decided to invite a few friends to dress up and indulge in my delusions of grandeur and it was actually easier than I thought. I don’t why I haven’t done this before. I think I was secretly intimidated by the idea but, surprisingly, planning and hosting a traditional English Tea Party is MUCH easier than it sounds.

Assemble your finest china. I've had this dainty little set in the family for years collecting dust—but, if you don’t have a tea set of your own, fear not; you can find a similar set like this in almost any thrift store.

It's all in the details. Little pieces like this crystal, cream and sugar set (top) add a touch of elegance to the table.

Don’t be afraid to break tradition. My friend brought over this gorgeous Chinese tea set. He brewed his own loose leaf tea while I made a more traditional British tea with cream and sugar.

Get to know traditional tea etiquette and decide whether you want to go by the book or switch up some of the recipes and times. Whatever you do, don’t make tea time a brunch.