Monday, August 8, 2011

True Blood Ep 7: "I'm NOT a zombie!" Recap/Clip

True Blood Season 4, Episode 7 Recap

True Blood: 4 Ep. 7: "Cold Grey Light of Dawn"

Blogging while I watch:

The episode begins with a recap and I’m already pissed. Why? Because I had to suffer through 6 episodes of Jason rape, and the only fruit that plot point is going to bear is his 15 or so children in 9 months. Besides that, nothing: no ware panther Jason. This impotent story arc that began with Crystal mid season 3, where we got a glimpse of Jason’s potential for greatness, just fell limply into another whack romance between him and someone he shouldn’t be with. Only this time it’s his best friend’s girl: Jessica. Don’t worry, no chemistry there.

Speaking of no chemistry, we left off with Eric and Sookie ravishing each other on the floor like a couple of bad Soap actors. Passions anyone? No?

Marnie is now fully possessed by the witch Antonia, who uses her necromancing abilities to control King Bill’s guardian/vampire/cardinal, and busts out of prison but not before whipping out a sword and carving a “Z” in the cardinal’s chest.

Ouch racial snap! Zombie Pam just made an Asian joke. She’s all poised to rid the show of the angriest black woman in the history of film/TV but…thank heavens for TMZ. Of course a bunch of spectators show up and start filming the little scene.
“I am not a Zombie!” You tell ‘em Pam.

Back in Mexico, Abuelo Voldemort is still trying to turn Jesus into his evil sorcerer’s apprentice. Apparently everyone in Mexico is aware that Lafayette is a medium, like Marnie, except for Lafayette, who had to find that out the hard way when he was possessed by Jesus’ long dead uncle Luke—not of 90’s rapper relation.

Because the list of vamps who want to kill her is increasing, Tara tells her girlfriend toodle-loo. It’s actually a pretty comical scene because Tara is such a convincing actress and this chick next to her is horrible. One of them clearly needs to exit stage left and thank God it’s not Tara.

Now that Antonia has her host, she’s out to raise every single vampire from his/her sleep to meet the sun. The only plan Bill can think of is to issue an edict that his subjects bind themselves with silver—basically torturing themselves in their sleep—to keep them from walking into the sun.

The Sookie-Eric variety sex hour still continues. By now they’ve humped there way to her house from the woods and…hello Sookie’s breasts. Again, as much as I love me some Eric, these two are just lame. Sookie clearly only loves him because he depends completely on her and is under her control. And he’s like a little duckling that imprinted on the first thing he saw. She’s, for all intense and purposes, his mother. Wow, this is nastier than when Bill slept with his great granddaughter.

I really miss old Eric. Sure, old Eric was pretty terrible but he had his good side. This Eric just does whatever Sookie tells him to. That’s not sexy. Sookie needs to get herself an obedient dog if that’s what she’s after there happens to be a pretty adorable one named “Same in town.

While wallowing through the night with a bottle of vodka and wailing histrionically at the sky, wretched Tara walks right into Marnie. The two bond over their history being bitten and raped by the ashen man. “I can avenge our torment and the torment of any human who has felt the stab of a vampire’s fangs,” Antonia tells her. The two forge a formidable bond and Tara recruits more witches.

While silver chained to bed…separately, Bill and Jessica have another endearing heart to heart. Bill, the king of common sense, explains to dear Jess that just because she’s fallen out of love with Hoyt doesn’t mean she’s lost her capacity to love. Bill also tries to reason with her that vampires and their indulgence in their twisted urges is what brought this on but Jess isn’t hearing it. She swears that when the sun goes down she’s “going to eat this witch, starting with her face.”

Eric and Sookeh are in lurve now.

Lafayette is back in the kitchen and so is that damn baby. Since Arlene’s a terrible employee, she brings her demon baby to work and baby keeps seeing some crazy voodoo ghost lady. Lafayette can see her too and it’s creeping him out.

Tara gathers enough witches to the Marnie’s lair and Antonia gives them all one cavalier speech that rivals Braveheart. Hell I’m almost on her side.

The spell begins and silver chains start rattling. But, surprise surprise, Jason’s mind is immediately drawn to Jessica’s welfare. Jessica manages to break her chains and crypt walks her way towards her death. Jason Stackhouse to the rescue!

Enjoy the clip/recap!

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