Monday, August 22, 2011

True Blood Ep9: "I'm Not Opening the Door For No White Man"

True Blood Season 4, Episode 9 Recap

Episode 9: “Let’s Get Out of Here”

Blogging While I Watch

Crazy times at Bon Temps continue this week. Antonia has lost her Goddamn mind. Her witches know this and now the only way they’ll stand with her is with extreme coercion. She plans to use her new pet vampire, Eric, as a tool to publicly embarrass vampires at their Tolerance press conference.  

Meanwhile, my slow forming love for Bill continues to stew as he rolls his eyes at everything that comes out of Alcide’s mouth—because nobody should give credence to a werewolf when he’s wearing a shirt.

Suffering a bullet to the gut, Sookie won’t take Bill’s blood so Alcide starts flailing around like a little bitch and making less sense than the last time he made no sense, so now Bill resorts to praying to God for Alcide to shut the hell up.

God really comes through for Bill, because in the next scene, Alcide’s mouth is shut and Sookie is magically awake, healed, and looking for her boyfriend.

Jess reads Twilight and listens to Taylor Swift, we learn as Hoyt resentfully packs up all her things. Don’t forget her picture to burn, Hoyt!

Oh lord... I seriously love crazy, voodoo lady, possessed Lafayette so hard right now, I can’t stand it.

Way to bust into somebody’s house waving a baby in one hand and a gun in the other. Ha, it’s a stick up, “I’ve got two things no single man wants to see, so get the eff out this house.”

Since Hoyt’s more terrified of that baby than the gun, the gets the hell outa there.

Bravo Lafayette. This is the best house jacking ever.

Its vampire blood induced dream sequence time starring Bill AND Eric. And Sookie needs to have a talk with them in the living room. Dare I hope a talk without pants?

Andy and Jason arrive at Hoyt’s house in cop mode to retrieve Arlene’s baby from possessed Lafayette and it goes down exactly like this.

“Open the door Lafayette.” –Andy

“You sound like a white man.” –Voodoo Lafayette

“You know damn WELL I’m a white man!” –Andy

“I’m not opening the door for no white man.” –Lafayette.

Well they’re in a pickle seeing as there’s no other male ethnicity round those parts…unless Jesús in town. Will the racist voodoo lady open the door for a Mexican shaman? Questions…questions…

Dream Sookie tells Bill and Eric she loves them both and kinky things ensue. Two fangs one cup kind of things…

Jesús! Aha! I was right. Since possessed Lafayette won’t open the door for any white man, Jesús is here to save the day.

Jesús manages to calm Mavis down and help her come to peace with the fact that her baby is, in fact, dead.

In unrelated news, Debbie is using V again because Alcide’s in love with Sookie.

In a very touching scene, Hoyt, Jason, and Jesús help Mavis dig up the body of her murdered baby. Then Jesús pulls some spectacular shaman move and frees her spirit from Lafayette’s body.

Pause. Jesús is supposed to be evil right? I mean, this was clearly hinted on last season with their V induced magical escapades. I’m confused

The Vampire Tolerance Conference is off to a great start—except it’s sans vampires, save for Bill and Nan.

“It’s like a having a civil rights rally without any black people.” –Bill

Debbie realized that if you want to get any screen time around here, you have to start rolling with Sookie, so she teams up with her to help her take down Antonia.

For some reason Jessica and Jason have sex in his pickup truck even though they were standing at the threshold to Bill’s empty mansion a minute ago.

Pet zombie Eric, under Antonia’s command, begins to sabotage the press conference and there’s blood galore, but Antonia’s real target is King Bill.

Cliffhanger. :(




never saw this but looks interesting

Lish said...

Lol it's probably for the best. That show is addictive. Love love love your blog BTW. I wanna steal all your clothes!