Monday, July 18, 2011

True Blood Ep 4: R.I.P. Pam's Swag

True Blood Season 4, Episode 4 Recap

True Blood Ep 4: I’m Alive and I’m on Fire

Blogging while watching

Fairy blood makes vampires tipsy. Eric is feeling quite unrepentant about drinking Sookie’s fairy. He’s drunk, he’s in a cheeky mood, and he’s not going back to his cubby! Instead, he wants to pinch Sookie’s butt and party till the break of dawn. Sunrise be damned!

Back in Hotshot, Jason, the new “ghost daddy”, is being raped by every female in the little backwater town in order to impregnate them…including a little girl. But Jason refuses (thank God!). He draws the line at pre-teens! She cuts him loose and he escapes.

“They don’t make necromancers like they used to,” says Nan. Apparently, something went down between witches and vampires in the 15th century that resulted in the Spanish Inquisition. Right… Anyway, Bill’s afraid that the new coven in Bon Temps could flare up some old beef and Nan just doesn’t give a damn.

Cut to Marnie dreaming about the woman who is currently possessing her, being burned at the stake.

Alcide comes over to “help Sookie” by stripping down to his Underoos and finally solves the puzzle of boxers or briefs. Neither. She enlisted the help of said werewolf because Eric partied hard last night and never came home before sunrise.

They find him frolicking in the pond…naked and begging to be “played with”. New Eric is growing on me more and more. But sadly, all too soon the effects of the fairy blood wear off. Eric’s about to roast but begs Sookie to leave him be. “I don’t want to go back to the dark.” Stop warming my heart you endearing mofo!

Jason spears Phil, Portia and Andy’s grandmother calls Red Bull “vulgar”, and I’m pretty sure they’re related to Bill. Oh yes, they are related! So Bill’s been hooking up with his great, great, great, granddaughter… ew! Poor Portia’s gonna need therapy for life.

Arlene and Remy’s demon baby is still being demonic. Now he’s leaving creepy messages on the wall. “Baby is not yours,” is his latest message to Terry.

Eric is still boohooing in his room over the sun but he’s still charming enough to finagle a kiss out of Sookie… almost; freakin’ Bill has to show up and ruin in. Bill’s still waving his tiara around town. He demands to search Sookie’s house for Eric. Sookie is surprisingly a really good liar and gets Bill to go away… after they have one of their hormone-infused stare downs.

Poor Jason. I really feel bad for him… I don’t think he’s done anything in this series to deserve the grimy shit season 4 is putting him through. He manages to escape, but Crystal warns that he’ll forever be bound to Hotshot and they’ll see each other again at the next full moon. Not to mention he unwillingly impregnated at least 30 women there… I’m guessing he’ll be seeing them on Christmas, birthdays, payday…

Still transitioning, Jason collapses in the middle of the road. Luckily, Hoyt and Jessica happen to drive by. Jessica force feeds him her blood and by the way Jason looks at her, I can tell there’s going to be another love triangle here, real soon.

Without Eric, the worst coven of witches ever gather to reverse the memory spell. Pam’s is spectacularly wicked as ever. Why hasn’t Disney gotten her to voice a villain yet? Marnie starts frantically reciting the spell with Pam glowering and threatening rape the whole time. So Marnie switches the script and puts a hex on Pam that takes away her sexy. WTF!?!? Her skin starts to rot and she looks like an extra from The Walking Dead.

How DARE they mess with Pam? I’m tired of the lack of respect this show gives her. That’s it! I’m done with Lafayette and Tara. Those two clearly have a death wish and I’m on board for whatever devilish revenge Pam cooks up for the both of them. I hear Eric owns a plantation in Barbados. I’m just saying… (Readers, I can get away with that statement but don’t try it at home)

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