Monday, July 11, 2011

True Blood: Season 4 Ep. 3: "You Just Killed My Fairy Godmother"

True Blood Season 4, Episode 3 Recap
Episode 3: If you Love Me, Why am I Dying?

“I know I’m a vampire Snookie.” –“It’s Sookie!” 

Already the best line of the episode. Not even two minutes and Eric already tries to kill Sookie. She punches him in the nose and tells him she’s not putting up with his cheek tonight.

Eric starts speaking in tongues. Then he reveals to her that he has no recollection of who he is. He remembers his Viking days and he remembers a witches circle. Apparently the crazy rose-woman (Marnie) has taken all our sexy anti-hero’s memories.

New Eric is like a good-looking, overgrown child, taking orders from Sookie with without a hint of snark. She agrees to help him, granted he doesn’t attempt to feed on her and since Eric is a tabula-rasa, he agrees. New Eric actually thanks her—and Eric doesn’t thank anybody!

The witches are having second thoughts about their hasty hex on Eric. Pretty much everyone knows he’s a viscous beast and will most likely reap is revenge before the season finale. Lafayette, who spent days in Eric’s underground playroom, knows just how deft Eric can be with whips, manacles, and chains. He’s terrified, and rightly so. As soon as Marnie’s spell wears off, I have a feeling Lafayette will be in Eric’s slave dungeon very soon.

But here’s the thing: Marnie has no clue what she actually did to Eric. Having no idea that Eric doesn’t remember his last name much less their faces, they start talking like civil rights activists. Tara, because her tranquility lasted only one episode, is all “kill the beast” and they’re all, “We’ve been put down by the white man for too long”.

Hotshot storyline. Grrr! I’m growling and it’s not because of the warepanthers. Warepanthers are basically toothless, inbred, werewolves. Eric is still strapped to the same bed and transitioning into a warepanther. Crystal and her husband/brother/cousin Phil bit him in an attempt to turn him into a breeder since Phil is a genetic dead end. Typical backwater drama. I’m certain this is just the kinda thing that happens in Louisiana.

Youtube is still ruining things for vamps everywhere. Now everyone wants to VLOG about catching vampires feeding off humans. Bill ladles out a pretty harsh punishment to a vamp whose crime is following his nature and feeding off a youtuber who entrapped him. Since Bill is a self-loathing vamp, certain death without trial is the punishment. Yeah, Bill’s kind of a douche.

Jessica shows up immediately after with her drama and Bill seamlessly switches into daddy-mode for a quick character reprieve. He gives her good fatherly advice and tells her to “vamp-up” and tell Hoyt about her urge to bite, screw, and kill every good-looking male around her. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Bill Compton makes a lot of sense.  

The same can’t be said for Sookie who still can’t seem to detangle herself from vampire affairs. I don’t blame her though; this version of Eric is growing on me and the chemistry is already palpable. Kudos to Alexander Skarsgard. I don’t know who he’s channeling but the way he looks at Sookie completely changes. I love the way he looks at her like an equal and absorbs every word she says like it’s the gospel. I find him endearing and effortlessly charming now that he’s not channeling his usual douche machismo.

Pam’s red off-the-shoulder dress makes another appearance. Since Pam is amazing in everything she does, she goes into full protective mode of her maker. She instantly deduces that this must’ve been one of Queen Bill’s schemes and tells Sookie that she better watch Eric’s back or else. Eric’s instant reaction is to throw his progeny across the room and it promptly ends my fascination with him. Nobody throws Pam in a corner! In fact, when are we going to get a Pam storyline, True Blood?

Jess fesses up to Hoyt about her jezebel ways but that’s not important? None of their storyline at this point matters and you know why? There is a creepy ass voodoo doll on the screen? How did it get there? I know it was lying on the floor in one of the last shots of season 3, but we learn that Hoyt and Jess have been trying to get rid of it for awhile now. Hoyt buried it. Jess drowned it. Somehow this creepy ass, charred, bald, baby doll is nestling in Hoyt’s arms and I’m supposed to concentrate on their relationship drama?

New Rule: If you don’t trim your hedges, the sheriff will shoot you. That’s a good rule.

Sookie goes to Alcide’s house for no damn reason. It must be for no reason because there’s no reason why she would be asking Alcide, a werewolf, to baby-sit his mortal enemy, Eric. Further proving that Sookie is the biggest idiot on God’s sweet earth.  

Mama Fortinberry has a penchant for ordering China dolls on QVC. Personally, I’m more of a Jewelry Channel girl.

Because Jessica is pure evil, typified by the fact she “glamoured” Hoyt into forgetting her cheating ways, she gifts the creepy doll to Arlene’s demon child. And you know what? The little hellion seems to like it. Just like I knew he would…

Pam’s best quote: To Lafayette, Tara, and Jesus: “I give you 24-hours to deliver that witch to me—and if you don’t, I will personally eat, fuck, and kill all three of you.”

Damn Pam! It brings tears to my eyes to know how much of a fabulous beast you are. Lady Gaga WISHES she could pull off that spiky jacket you’re wearing. Do whatever you need to do Pam-zilla. I’m in support of whatever gets you and your outfits more screen time. Yeah, that’s right Tara; you better run!

The spirit of a young brunette is using Marnie as a conduit, Jason finally realized, the hard way, that Crystal is “nothing but a crazy, hillbilly junkie”, and Eric just killed Sookie’s fairy godmother.


Here’s my theory/Spoilers:

  1. Since Bill is one crafty mofo, I highly agree with Pam. He’s using his power for evil. No doubt to squash this penis conflict once and for all.
  2. Sookie and Eric. If you read the books, I’m pretty sure you know where this is headed. I’m team Eric, however, since I’m a nerd and I watch Comic-con panels I know that the writers and the director are Team Bill.

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