True Blood Ep2: You Smell Like Dinner

True Blood Season 4, Episode 2 Recap

Blogging while I watch...late. Yeah I know...

The episode opens up with Jason Stackhouse in a sweaty heap, writhing against the constraints of the rope tying his arms and legs to a stranger’s bed. Pretty much business as usual for Jason but, oh look, the inbred kids from Hotshot are there and one of them, Timbo, is licking his head wound. How nice…

Jason, who is more of a Band-aid kind of guys, tells the creepy kid to leave his head gouge alone and demands to know what’s going on. The kids are too afraid to tell him and Jason gives them a really creepy Michael Jackson lecturing about how good he’s been to them and how they wouldn’t be licking his head if they didn’t care about him, so they better fess up. Fine! Turn Jason into a child molester, True Blood; there is nothing you can do to interest me in a Jason Stackhouse plotline.

Crystal’s fiancé/brother/cousin comes in with his riffle and starts hooting and hollering. He and Jason have a “fuck you” off.

Finally, they cut to Sookie and Eric and my poor Viking is still having problems grasping the concept of property ownership. Eric owns the house, therefore Eric owns the inhabitants of the house, no? *Shakes my head* Oh Eric, you silly Viking you.

Oh but he bought the house because he cares about Sookie, whose blood smells like “Freedom…and sunshine in a pretty blonde bottle”. He forebodes that pretty soon other vampires will wise up on her fairy blood’s abilities and be clamoring to buy her property soon. But Sookie sets him straight; he might own the deed to her house but he’ll never own the deed to her heart!

Cut to Fangtasia and those same tea party rats are still at it with their tired chants and protest signs. They tick Hoyt off enough for him to finally ask the most pressing question: "How can you hate vampires and still call yourself a Christian?" Well put, Hoyt. How indeed? Why do you think I love True Blood and Vampire Diaries so much? Cause I'm a Christian, duh! I'm not watching this crap for my health here! And, like Hoyt, "I've got lurve in my heart."

But you know what really sucks about being a vampire in the 21^st century? Not the right-wing protestors, but the inability to slaughter said protesters due to advent of smart phones with Youtube capabilities. Instead, Pam and Jess have to stand back and watch while Hoyt get his ass handed to him by said angry mob.

Back at Compton manner and Bill’s leaning its good to be the king. He and his assistant/spy Miss Bellum are doing the sideways tango when Sookie wonders onto his lawn and almost gets taken out by his royal body guards.

Lafayette time! I’m so conflicted. One part of me knows that Jesus is evil and Lafayette needs to stop playing with black magic and perhaps find real Jesus. The other part of me really wants him to don a hat with a skeleton on it and belt out “Friends on the Other Side” a la Shadowman in The Princess and the Frog. This plot could definitely go either way, and I’m fine with that.

Bill, who is looking a bit long in the tooth (hehe) these days, tell gives Sookie some good advise about avoiding Eric’s unwanted advances which she blows off in typical Sookie fashion and asks him how he became the king. Que flashback: London, 1982. Hello, punk rock Bill Comption, or shall I say, Steve Moyer. Aren’t you having fun showing off your British accent!  Bill is way too old to pull off that much leather and makeup, but here comes Nan Flanigan: head of the Vampire League.

It’s the eve of the invention of synthetic blood, and Nan tell him she’s looking for a few good vampires to overthrow the monarchy from within to further her goals of vampires co-existing with humans.

Now Arlene is up and I’m beginning to think her baby’s demonic random acts are all in her head.

Sheriff is now a full on V addict. He goes to Hotshot to shake them down for V and it turns out the whole community is high on the stuff.

Some more stuff happens about that I don’t care to recount.

Finally, Bill is still lording the fact that he won the penis measuring contest over Eric. Bill’s the queen of Louisiana now, and he tells Eric that Lafayette’s new coven of witches are out to raise the dead. Eric gets super serious because, to a vampire, there’s nothing more frightening than the dead walking right? Loverboy Eric disappears and is replaced with psycho-sadist Eric and he goes to witch huntin’.

He busts into their meeting place, starts bashing skulls, and orders the coven to disband. Everyone agrees except for psycho rose-lady who goes all exorcists on Eric and starts chanting to him in what I assume is his native language. An image of a young woman is superimposed over her wrinkly face and Eric just stands there looking frozen in terror.

Whatever the old witch says to him, the end result is a very discombobulated Eric, prancing around Bon Temps shirt-less, as all vampires are wont to do. He clearly looks in need of one of those “Hello my name is: If you find me, please return me to this address” cards. He looks drunk, wide-eyed, and afraid—and human???

No sooner than I start mourning the loss of Eric’s vamp-ness, Sookie wonders onto the set in her car and starts calling him. He doesn’t pay her any mind but then… he starts sniffing her. So… he’s definitely still a vampire right? I don’t know but the last line ends with him asking, “Why do you smell so good?”

Thoughts?